This word, acceptance, has tricked me a lot lately. Of course I accept this moment, of course I accept myself, but that's not what is really happening in my subconscious. I noticed this incongruence when I was home visiting with family for a week and caught myself saying things like, "I need to get better at _______", and, "next week I've got to _______". Phrases like these confirm that right now I am not accepting where/what/who I am. Of course it's fun to look to the future and plan things that will enhance various aspects of myself. But when I phrase things like this they're almost always accompanied with the feeling of a little invisible dagger stabbing at me on the inside.
What's happening? I'm not accepting myself or this moment. I'm telling myself a story, that right now I'm not perfect, and then I bash, punish, and otherwise inflict invisible dagger wounds on myself because of this story I've agreed to. If I step back and watch myself in these situations, it's kind of odd and almost funny, and it seems pretty much our entire culture does this. From what I've gathered it's polite even proper to behave in this way. WOW! So if I can tell myself and believe the story that I am not perfect right now, couldn't it be just as easy to tell myself and believe the opposite - I am perfect right now?
I always have the fear that if I DO start believing I'm perfect in this moment, and this moment.....and this moment (haha!), then once it's fully integrated into my present moment at all times I will become obnoxious, self-aggrandizing or worse, arrogant. Perhaps the worst thing a person can be deemed in southern culture (outside of an outright criminal) is arrogant. I've often heard myself say, "it's a fine line between arrogance and self-love", but I'm learning it's not. It's more like a chasm. The defining difference can be simplified to one word: intention. Arrogance and self-inflation come from a place of fear and self-loathing, with intentions of manipulating or controlling other people's beliefs and actions. Conducting oneself as a person who knows he or she is a truly perfect being comes from great self-love and delight for being alive, with intentions of accepting and loving others exactly as they are. Interestingly, I've had much trouble writing this last sentence because we have no word for this in our language. We have arrogance, but what's the opposite? Self-love is actually a synonym at thesaurus.com, and all the antonyms are weak or negative in connotation.
Is it time to change this or what? When I am fearful of becoming arrogant I notice what it feels like when I dare to believe the opposite. What if this moment is exactly perfect and I am totally perfect in it? Almost instantly I feel higher and more capable, more grateful, filled with awe for being alive and honored to fulfill my grand destiny, my highest path. This feels NOTHING like arrogance... What if truly loving and accepting ourselves as perfect beings right now was the normal way of our culture?!
Have you ever met someone who was ok with themselves exactly as they are in this moment? If so, maybe you noticed how magnetizing it was to be around them, how energizing, inspiring, moving, and loving they were. If not, look in nature. Does the seagull flying south at dawn wonder what she needs to improve on? How beautiful is she, are we, when we are doing our soul's highest calling? The perfection in her wings, her streamlined flight path, her divine mission, speaks to us as a great teacher.
May you dare to believe you are a totally perfect being, right here, right now.
Love and bliss all over you!